Tuesday, May 11, 2010

One of the grossest moments


So when my mother-in-law first moved in with me, she was under the impression that she shouldn't have to do anything, ever, including taking care of her own personal hygiene. I was in the middle of packing up the house we were living in so that we could move into larger quarters. I had an 18 month old toddler to take care of all day. I was also about 8 months pregnant, and in charge of keeping the house running and helping close up the estate of my father-in-law and interfacing with the builders for the new house.

So one day my mother-in-law comes up to me.

Yes, she really did TELL me she needed me to sit down and bend around my huge pregnant stomach and clip her toenails. She sits down and makes a pathetic attempt to reach her feet, to show me how futile it all is for her. Impossible.


I say "Oh, God" in that picture because I know I'm going to do it for her. But it's even worse than I had anticipated. Not only do I have to touch her bare feet and clip her nails, she's been using vaseline to "moisturize" her foot skin, and her big toe is more like a wooden talon.



The nail itself is thick and a brownish yellow color. I don't know how it gets like that, she's been drinking nothing but ensure for months. The nail is thicker than the nail clipper can open, so I have to essentially clip away at it at an angle to get it all. The other toenails are of a similar quality, just not as massive.
It was pretty bad. Over two years later, I can still feel that giant greasy monster in my hand, the way the clipper splintered the nail as I hacked away at it, burping down late-pregnancy-induced stomach acid. I told my husband never again, we'd take her to a salon and have them do it with their professional tools. Why hadn't I thought of it before I did that? It's hard to think on the spot. I have to forgive myself.

It was bound to come up again eventually. By this time we were in the new house and the noob was no longer easily tended to inside my womb.

And then, something amazing happened:





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